Wednesday, 19 February 2014

brat

"Just because I have things you don't have doesn't make me spoilt."
S P O I L T.
This is a term that does offend me when said in a certain manner. It's something I've been called before, it's a term that beings have associated with my character without a second thought as to why or how.

I personally don't believe that I'm spoilt perhaps at times I can act spoilt or even like to think I am but it's not something integral to my being, at least I hope not.

I've found that when a being coins another as spoilt it stems from a deeper place, generally a place of envy. We as human beings are allowed to have bouts of jealousy and rivalry however, how one chooses to act upon these emotions, is a reflection on the type of person. One can be internal; where you see possessions of another and hope for them for yourself, so you work towards them by achieving your own goals and strive towards your own ambition and success. This internal mind frame applies to more than physical objects it can apply to traits you may idolise in others.

Recently I attended a defensive driving course, Murcotts', and I was taught about internal and external drivers. An internal driver in our case let's say, an internal thinker, in a situation they will look at the differences they could have made to prevent the accident e.g: reduce their speed, been more aware of their surroundings...

Now an external thinker, would place blame on the other motorist's (their speed, awareness, skill), the weather, the driving conditions. So when applied to life an external thinker would take that envy and look at their own shortcomings as a result of factors out of their influence, maybe their parents aren't as well off, their not materialistic like the other, everything and anything outside their realm of control is the cause and effect in their life.

Neither state of mind is ideal because they're at polar ends of sphere (or as my literature teacher taught me to say binary opposites). You can't blame yourself for everything because then you would have no confidence and very poor self esteem but you shouldn't shift all the responsibility to others as then one could never experience personal growth.

Another factor is how you were brought up, if one is surrounded by luxe objects it's something you become accustomed to and as a result you can feel entitled to such materials. Parents and guardians are role models it's a given. One of my first memories of my stepmum was meeting her after school one Friday; Dad would pick me up on Fridays. At the time it felt as if she was invading something that was 'ours' but then we went up to Collins Street and visited a luxury store - this was the first time I understood the concept of a brand being exclusive, for lack of a better word-. The sales assistants were dressed completely in black, they had magical keys that opened up a drawers filled with treasures, doors were hidden in the walls and it was fun. We bonded.

My first Tiffany's item was the timeless Heart Tag Toggle Bracelet.
+Tiffany & Co. 
It was like any other bracelet because it was presented as such a casual, nonchalant gift, it wasn't my birthday so it wasn't close to Christmas.  I didn't realise the generosity of the gift until a friend gushed over it at school the following Monday. In hindsight it was one of those moments that illuminate the difference between my childhood and another's. I appreciated the gift but I think it contributed to my blasé mentality, at the age of seventeen, towards Tiffany's, at least their sterling silver, anyway now Tiffany's gold and diamonds are a different story I'd say ;)

Being spoilt nowadays is defined by appreciation and gratitude, I often hear of others say 'they're not appreciative enough', 'not thankful', 'brat'. Who are we to judge what's enough, how much emotion another should feel. We need to question ourselves before passing judgement off on others.

You can never truly, walk a mile in another's shoes. Hence that new car could have been a motivating factor for their grades, a new bag could be a parent compensating for time lost or a sudden change in lifestyle could be due to good fortune or simple hard work.
So to all those out there, try not to look at someone's fantastically-filtered life and think only of your short comings but be grateful for what you do have. Take it from someone who knows a new possession doesn't fill the gaping hole of stability, family or a friend. It's a temporary fix that numbs the abyss.