Decisions

jumping into the deep end
just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming swimming

The Wolf of Wall Street. It's the movie that's been on every person's list to view.

+Jordan Belfort the name whispered in awe and disgust amongst adolescent teens, even more impressionable young adults and elders. The memoir is a New York Times best seller. The man himself is a legend, a cult icon for today's youth. It's a rags to riches tale that's “raw and frequently hilarious.” -The New York Times.

It's been on my list of 'Films to view and novels to absorb’ for a period and only as of recent did I see the film. The hype has been phenomenal and I learnt my lesson from The Great Gatsby to turn a deaf ear to the gossip.  Some friends have said, 'there was too much sex' but is there really such a notion? Others, 'the movie was too long'. I was enthralled.

I will not say from beginning to end but a solid ninety percent of the film captured my undivided attention, which is a feat in itself. 

As we left the cinema my very good friend, whom I deem a little naïve, said she couldn't see herself doing wrong by others to further her career. 

I said I could, maybe not in the same way as Mr Belfort but I could; I decided a long time ago I want an extraordinary life. 

I've told this to close friends, teachers and myself on more than one occasion. Now, I'm proclaiming this to the world, the World Wide Web to be exact. "I am willing to do anything to get what I want and what I want is to be successful." 

Success is subjective and in terms of my future it does not just revolve around material goods although those do play a factor. Success means to be at the top of my career, whatever it may be. 

To leave a footprint in history, I want to feature in textbooks, be taught and studied. When I leave this Earth I wish to have left a legacy behind to my loves so that entails having a family. My upbringing wasn't all sunshine and rainbows so having a family of my own, one that I can create traditions and memories is an extremely important part of success in my eyes. I cannot wait to help mould a being, to pass on my values and create a little person, a life. 

I want to inspire thought provoking moments, discussion and happiness.

More so I think I understand in a minuscule sense the world, I can be realistic however I enjoy being a dream believer. I'm not afraid to dream big. Someone once told me to always aim higher because usually you underachieve but you're closer to that goal. So if you aim really high then you're end result is still going to be great. Others have said if you aims are too great you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. But look at it like this if you are one to be disappointed by failure, try and not let it discourage you instead take away from that misstep fuel to push you forward towards your end game goal.  When the final buzzer rings I hope we're all able to say it was a good game. 

Goodness I'm corny. Face palm. 

Anyway like I was saying before this tangent. I need to be successful that is why I'm not going to be self-conscious of promoting this blog, I'm not going to care if this annoys beings. I'll say sorry in advance but I'm really not that sorry. The reason being I refuse, I will not apologise for trying to find myself or for working towards my future. Being twenty this year I assume I'm going through an existential crisis I've had times in my life where I was in a downward spiral of desolation and despair. This is when I question my existence, my reason for being and why I'm so lazy and have achieved nothing thus far in my lifetime. At this moment I've been questioning if the occupation I've chosen is for me.  

I didn't try last semester, didn't give two fucks. This reflected in my grades. So I have chosen to give my course one more semester meaning once it's completed I will be HALF WAY THROUGH UNIVERSITY (WHAT!). Had to use screamers as this consistently freaks me out. 

I'm attempting to pour my all into this coming term. I shall maintain the steam for this blog. Most importantly I will figure out some goals. 

P.S: I am so thankful for my loves who have been so supportive of this and your being does truly inspire me. 

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